Go Back to the Kitchen, Jamie Oliver

jamie-oliver1--z

These are not breasts. Stick with these, Jamie.

Jamie Oliver: “Breastfeeding is easy!”

No, Jamie Oliver, it isn’t always and for more women than anyone probably realises because these same women are too scared to admit it, shamed into silence about their struggles. Oliver, until you’ve lactated, you are really not in a position to comment on this. As one journalist said, “This is one crusade that is not yours to lead.

Lord knows I gave the boob a burl with my son. He had jaundice at birth which physically weakened him, and spending ten days in a BiliBed considerably interrupted the “latching on” process, something I believed for a long time afterwards to be a magical fable

My most vivid memory of being in hospital with my tiny son? A bitch of a nurse grabbing my sore and swollen right breast and shoving it into my boy’s mouth, making me feel like a recalcitrant dairy cow and a human failure.

He never once fed without me using a nipple shield. Not. Once. Every feed took FOREVER. Pumping was a fucking nightmare, and intensifying the “livestock” vibe. He was skinny, hungry, and a terrible sleeper. But I kept going, because BREAST IS BEST, FORMULA IS POISON, I JUST WASN’T TRYING HARD ENOUGH OR GIVING IT ENOUGH OF A GO.Apparently.

Well, you know what I have to say to all of you bitch nurses and lactating “experts” and breastfeeding Nazis everywhere?

FUCK YOU.

When I finally started Exclusively Bottle Feeding my son at around three months of age, he was a changed baby. He drank. He drank enough. He put on weight. He slept.

And I finally stopped going insane and crying for about half of every day.

Breastfeeding isn’t always easy. Not breastfeeding is not always a choice, and not breastfeeding is also a totally acceptable choice.

Jamie Oliver, I am a big fan of yours. I know you are a huge advocate of health generally, and breastfeeding is a wonderfully healthy thing. I am also in agreement with you that breastfeeding in public should be supported. No problems there.

But, as one lovely lady in a forum on this topic stated, stop “mansplaining about something you are not in a position to be knowledgeable about”.

And, as another one said, “Maybe you could nip round and explain to my 3 week old daughter that it’s easy. Twat.”

PS – Miraculously, my son will turn eight this year and is a smart, happy, healthy, and tall young lad who still enjoys milk. Just not from me 😉

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